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I'm okay. It was just a little... intense... at times," I responded."Good. Next time I think I'll push you a little further."His comment sent an anxious rush through my body as I watched him turn and walk back to his desk. He was done with me. I was dismissed.I pulled my dress around me, realizing both of the ties were ripped away. (I)I guess I'm just going to have to hold it closed.I stood there for a moment looking at him, waiting, not sure if there was something else I was supposed to do or say. He looked up at me and asked, "Did you want something else Beth?" No… no, I just wasn't sure if there was anything else. I'll be going."He just put his head down and started writing again at his desk as I let myself out of his office.I walked down the hallway, one hand on my hip holding my dress closed, as I remembered I was supposed to stop in and see Mr. Ozmann before I left.I knocked on his door and heard his familiar voice say, "Come in".I opened the door and walked in to be greeted by. My dad understood everything I was doing, probably better than my motherdid. For all I knew, he understood me better than I understood myself.That came as a big surprise to me and I wanted to tell someone. Tellingsomeone else would exonerate me from all the craziness I was feeling, butof course I couldn't do that. I couldn't tell anyone, not even my mother.I'd made a promise to my father, and I'd keep his secret.I was thankful to him for filling in some of the missing pieces to thepuzzle of my life. The way he talked about it made me think that maybe myreasons for wanting to be a woman were genetic. Thinking about it likethat eased some of the guilt I was feeling, but it didn't erase it.My father had overcome his urges, but I was giving in to mine at abreak-neck pace. Although I hadn't made any definitive or permanentdecisions yet, I was racing toward older womanhood with open arms. Myparents supported me wholeheartedly, so the only thing that could get inthe way of my blossoming.
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